I’ve witnessed a handful of conversations recently that left me with a funny thought. The first few were during my recent workshop. The details vary, but the jist was this:
Your idea is amazing! My idea has flaws.
The next were conversations with colleagues. The details vary, but the jist was this:
You’re so productive! I am not.
The last one, I don’t even remember the circumstances. But the jist was this:
You’re so successful! I am not.
Are you catching the pattern?
There’s this funny thing we do to ourselves. We downgrade our own potential, experience, and success. I don’t know why, but it’s as close to universal as anything I’ve seen in a long time. A gap between perception and reality – that’s nearly always stacked against us.
The funniest one was someone close to me. She was reading my book on creative commission work – the section on creating pricing tiers for your products. She was very complimentary: “Your writing is so good, I feel like I could almost do this!!”
Omg, she couldn’t be serious.
I literally wrote that section about HER. As in, I used her as an example. I told her about it at the time. She was doing it. In fact, she was doing it so well that I thought it might help others.
I don’t know why we do this to ourselves. I mean, negativity bias and all, but why? Why, when confronted with our own success, are we so quick to dismiss it? Why, when we have so much evidence to the contrary?
I don’t have all the answers, but I will say this, to whoever needs to hear it:
You are productive.
You are successful.
Your idea is amazing.
You are the person others look up to.
Even when you don’t see it, feel it, or know it.
So do the thing. Whatever you think you can’t. Whatever the little voice in your head is telling you you aren’t ready for.
I feel that it’s lack of confidence! At least that’s why I downplay myself and accomplishments. I’m afraid it won’t be received well by others, then if it isn’t I can say it’s simply because I’m not good at this.
I think you’re right! But what if you’re amazing??
I have often noticed this and wondered too, similar to your writings here. I do it myself. I have some beliefs that it may also have something to do with maybe unintended upbringing manners. Yes, manners, as silly as that sounds. Like a humbleness misguided to not brag … know what I mean? I recently heard two separate humans acknowledge that they were awesome. That lands weird too!! They did say they were bi-polar (like a reason for the self-confidence) when my face might have shown my surprise. Who knows!
There is a wide, beautiful space between humble to the point of not acknowledging our strengths and the arrogance of overstating them. But, so tricky to linger there.
Thanks for reading!
I find myself struggling with this alot lately.
I’m not an ambitious type-A or an over overachiever. The things I love I’ve long kept safe from the ravages of “business” and basically lived at the bottom of the socio-economic food chain.
That said, a few years ago I started doing some professional photography work mostly for local jazz shows. I started to get involved that scene, which I loved, but I also started getting other work too. I had just landed this big contract with a Native American tribal council when the pandemic hit.
The miraculous generosity of the US government extending unemployment benefits to independent contractors gave me the resources to properly equip my business. This was wonderful and I’m all ready to renter the economy as a creative professional. There is just one problem… I don’t think I can do it.
I try and try to stay on top of things and get my work done, meet deadlines, stay in touch with colleagues, etc. But. I just can’t do it. Right now, I should be finishing a project so I collect the final payment and pay my bills. Instead, I’m doing Google searches for “something meaningful” and writing this in hopes that I can somehow find the reason why I should do this thing that I love and let people pay me money for it.
I know, it ridiculous. White girl problems, right? Your writing on the home page of this site struck a chord with me; this article a particular harmonic of that chord.
I can’t seem to motivate myself because it just all seems so pointless. But, your take on this kind of thinking and how you are trying to turn it around and evidence the relevance and impact and value of creative work… well, I guess it kind of makes sense. The words im I am reading here are getting through to me. I know I’m not reading ad copy–I’m not, am I?
Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you. Hopefully, in a way that is clear and honest and real, just as your writing here.
Thank you.
PS: i just noticed the trademark symbol after “Make Somethng Meaningful” at the bottom of this page. I was kidding about the “ad copy” above, but now I am truly wondering, are you selling something here? Not that that’s automatically bad, it just casts a strange irony on the whole experience of discovering this website for me.
Hi Brown,
Congrats on your new adventure! What you describe is something many creative professionals struggle with, in various forms.
A suggestion, shift your thinking from selling something to being in service of others. Instead of “landing a big contract with a Native American tribal council”, remember that they want and need what you are offering. That is the point of your work – it has a purpose. I don’t know what that specific purpose is, but the tribal council does, and you likely do as well. Maybe it’s to help them raise awareness for their work, maybe it’s to increase their level of professionalism, etc. They need you and your skills to help them get there. When you make that shift, it will feel less like “the ravages of business” and more like an equal exchange of value – and most importantly, meaningful work.
It’s also important to be aware of the emotional toll the pandemic has taken. It’s normal to feel adrift right now, like things are purposeless/ pointless. When your emotional energy is spent on risk analysis (is this safe?), there isn’t much left over for creative work. You may not be able to change the circumstances that cause it, but you can be aware of it and adapt or muscle through where needed. Important deadline? Muscle through. Request for a new project? Maybe take on less for a short while, or extend your timeframes to give yourself enough space to breathe.
To answer your question, I am a professional metal artist. I sell my work on a separate site. I started Make Something Meaningful as a passion project because I saw a lot of creative professionals struggling with self doubt and a whole host of other things that I feel, have felt, and have had to navigate my way through. I’ve written a couple of books and occasionally teach classes for the same reason, hence the tm.
Thanks for reading!