For the past six years, Alan and I have had a recurring conversation that goes something like this:
Alan: Gah, this week is so long. It feels like it should be Thursday already.
Me: It isn’t?
No, it’s not Thursday. I said it feels like Thursday.
What day do you think it is?
<awkward pause> Weedddnnnessssday? (I say it slow as I try to read his body language)
Tuesday..? I guess again.
Or, my favorite:
Me: Remember that thing we talked about yesterday?
Alan: That was this morning.
Alan has never been able to understand my lack of temporal awareness. How can I not know what DAY it is?? He can’t even wrap his brain around it. I’ve tried to explain the concept of relativity. To give him a scientific reason for my stupidity. But it’s hard to grasp. Until, that is, you’ve been asked to work from home for nearly two weeks. Then suddenly the conversations become this:
Alan: I don’t even know what DAY it is!!!
Me: WELCOME TO MY WORLD.
I try to not say it in a gloating manner. But, it is somewhat satisfying to know that this is a Universal Law and not just a personal failing. Gravity, not stupidity. Maybe I gloat a little.
I’ve been working from home for 13 years now. My circadian rhythms are limited to going to bed when I’m tired and waking up when I’m not. Eating when I’m hungry, even if it means breakfast at noon. My sense of time is relative, my days even more so.
It’s admittedly exacerbated by the lack of a Direct Deposit Fairy. (People who believe in this fairy, I’m told, actually have two Thursdays: payday Thursday, and non-payday Thursday. I Do Not Know What This Means.)
But I digress.
Along the way I’ve learned a few tricks to keeping track of time. Like, if you don’t know what day it is, click on the top right corner of a computer screen – it will tell you. I’ve also learned what doesn’t work. Like, calendars. Unless you have a Magical Calendar Fairy to X out the days as they end, it’s all just squares on a page.
Lately Alan has been helping his team navigate these new relativity waters. He sent them an email today that contained just three words:
Today Is Wednesday.
I’m so proud of him.